Car sale strategies

Photo courtesy of The Torque Report

The navigation system in the fiancé's car recently took a turn for the worse.  While we were nursing it back to health (alright, having aspects of it replaced), we decided that it was time for us to look to upgrading my car.  We had time to kill, were interested in the differences between the TSX and the TL, and the fiancé is bound and determined to get me into a new car.

I'm not sure why, but he's convinced the current car is a piece of junk.  It's a "piece of junk" that has lasted me 8 years and 90,000 (of my own) miles, with no baggage to drag me down into the pits of despair.  Even now, my Intrigue is nowhere near it's last leg and continually meets my high travel demands.  True, two of the windows don't open, but that's superficial when you get down to it.

My car still loves me.

However, I am now being seduced by the Acura family that my fiancé is introducing me to.  Hello navigation system.  How are you doing back up cam?  Hold me close, self-heating seats.  I can't find anything I don't like about these cars, and apparently consumer reports agree.

But.

But.  That's the key.  I have no intention of buying a car from someone who annoys me*.  Those cars are not cheap.  You want to comment on how the Russian fiancé has a Ukrainian accent?  We just think you're stupid.  Continue by feeding us inaccurate historical tidbits?  Sorry, I watch the History channel, too, and you got it wrong.  Tell me that my surname is Scandinavian and then get pissy when I say, yeah, Danish...you should probably know that Swedes and  Danes historically haven't gotten along before you keep lumping us together.  Also, lecturing me on my antecedents isn't too keen, either, as that is an area I unequivocally do know more than you.  Plus, really, every story you begin about your family as a ring of untruth to it...so maybe you don't want to keep going.

Now, getting back to actually buying a car...talk to us about it, explain it's features, give us a test drive**.  Don't assume that just because I just graduated college (with a masters degree, not a bachelor's like you keep spouting)  I am unable to afford a car.  Then, if you've spent the past hour basically lying to us, we don't feel inclined to believe you when you talk about pricing and how fantastic this car truly is.  Or the fact that the following morning you're pleading with us to buy it at what was the out the door price.

Thank you, but you're the perfect example as to why we are not buying a car from you...no matter the price.  Plus, "I'm not pressuring you" when we say for the nth time that we're not interested in buying a car today does not mean "sign on the dotted line."

*Establishing rapport comes from trust and communication - not from alienating those you are talking to.  Maybe you should build on the fact your wife works with autistic children and so do I, or your daughter is getting married two weeks before we are...not jokes that fall flat, like the "Finnish curse" (a flat butt).

**FYI:  Pretending that only men can unlock the new special door is extremely sexist, especially when I'm the one looking for the car.  Hand me the key and shut your mouth.  I know how "keyless" cars work.

A car's personality

Cruising down the road, it's not road rage or idiot drivers that catch my attention.  Well, sometimes I mutter under my breath at people that aren't driving very well.  What I really notice are the cars themselves...cars have faces (and personalities) they do.

Haven't you ever seen Herbie?  Or Cars?  C'mon now.  I'm not the only one that sees faces.  Geez.  You're the weird one, not me.

See?  It's a bunny!

You don't see it?  Well look here...(the ears are kinda hard to see at this angle, but trust me, they're there)

Now do you see it?  If you don't, look harder. Use a little imagination!

Alright, you found it.  *applause* Good.  Moving on... here's another one.  This time it's an embarrassed Asian...

No?  You don't believe me?  Look again.

Still no?  One last time...(I took the liberty of adding on hair)...

You finally saw it?  Oh good.  Let's find another, shall we?  This one is a manly car...

How do I know, you ask?  Well, keep looking...I forgot to label the large (wise?) forehead.  You do see it, don't you?

You still don't believe me, do you?  Let me draw you a picture...

There!  Got it...even though I picture the logo to be his nose, which is a bit too high on his face.  Oh well.  Plus, all the angles of the car make him seem manly...and for some reason I get the vibe that he's an older man, not as young as my drawing makes him seem...more mature, wise...

I hope you can now go out and find your own car faces.  Let me know what you come across...or what the car you drive looks like.  I mean, we do name our cars, don't we?  (I know a Lola, a Hilary, a Svetlana, and a Godzilla...)

Disclaimer:  It is not my intention to offend or harm anyone.  Every intent has been made to conceal the identity of the car owners.  If you feel that I have misused a picture of your car and would like it taken off my site, please feel free to contact me and request it's removal.